random rant thing

hmm what should I talk about today? I went to work, twice, and had dinner and am now here. blablablabla.

Aha inspiration. Relationships. What are they for? Are they good for anything? After Caleb blogged about it today I started thinking about who are my friends, if I have any.

What is a friend to me? Some one who puts in enough effort to get my attention and applies that energy to get to know me. I like to know I'm loved and that is one of the ways that I "feel" it. And as they put their time into me, I put my time into them. Isn't that what a real friendship is? Just figuring out another person and having a common object, by which, the two share?

By that definition, I have very few people who are my friends. My fiance, my roommate, a person or two that I was just chemically bound to. That's it. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining by any means, it's just a thought that came to mind. Now if those people are my only friends then what about everyone I know? What category do they fall under?

Acquaintances.  Hundreds of them. And lots of them think they are my friend. Hmm. What happened? Did I become worthless? Or are people just uncaring? OR something else?

To be honest, I feel alone. When I'm not with my fiance or focused on God I don't know what to do with myself. Now I said "feel" because I have yet to determine whether this is the truth or not but my feelings do not lie to my senses thus this is it is in my reality as of the moment.

As Caleb put it, "Why do we have "friends"" Is it due to the incompetency of others? Yourself? I think we are built to be with people, even when you get fully annoyed by them.

Think about it, If we lived by ourselves,

1. what would we know? 
2. How would we learn?
3. How could be determine reality?
4. Could we function?
5. Whats the point of personality if, in fact, we are built to be alone?
6. this world would be pointless.

Yes, pointless. The world is not here just to accomplish a monotonous series of tasks by people who have a mind of their own. What would the people with creative personalities do if there was no music? no art? Probably go insane, but both of those devices are there to share with people and coincidentally can be the mutual ground to create a friendship.

So what happens, after you've actually made a friend of course, do you do when they aggravate you? Just get under your skin? Well you can do what a good chunk of people have done to me and run away. Or you can stay and deal with it just 'cause what is the point of running? Nothing. At. All. Talk about it, fight it through but don't leave each others company over something frivolous.

Where will my mind go next? Find out next time!